As reported by GGN Goblin Gossip Network. The Multifarious Monthly Review makes no claims that the Goblin GOSSIP Network is a reliable news source. Articles are posted with minor edits for spelling and grammar but not reviewed for content. The Multifarious Monthly Review does not accept any financial burden that results in the GGN's reporting practices. Our latest in a series of celebrity interviews. Tonight, be dazzled by the vile cunning of Davros the Conquerer* who uses moronic goblins to do his bidding while he plots his evil ascension to EMPORER OF THE JADE LOTUS EMPIRE! In order to ensure journalistic integrity, we immortalized the exchange in the form of descriptive writing, beautifully captured by Snetch Junior's assistant! * Conquerer is a title granted by creative license of the GGN and is no way actually applied to the recipient of this interview. . . . Snetch Junior, the Goblin reporter, made his way toward the Helheim docks. The intention was to track down Baron Hogrimm in the hopes of buying an interview from him. Followed by his faithful, and rather ravishing, assistant in her pencil skirt with a quill stuck in her hair, the reporter scoured the docks. Coming up short he turned to the nearest individual and pointed, "hey, you... you want to be famous?"
Davros was finishing some business at the docks. Some things he needed for his shop, sadly, just could not be found down in the caves. It was nice, however, to see the sun one in awhile and stretch his proverbial wings. When the voice catches his attention, however, it takes a moment to realise the goblin was speaking to him. Hesitating for a moment, Davros sighs. As much as every part of his being screamed at him to run, he was never one to be rude, "No... I dont. But curiosity dictates that i must ask who you are and how you would even make someone famous" Snetch Jr, in an unusual show of bravery, puffed his chest and exclaimed loudly, "I am from a long line of world famous HARD HITTING journalists," by long line he meant, of course, that his father Sentch Sr had also been a reporter. "I am Snetch of the GGN. I and my lovely assistant," he gestured to the goblin woman beside him, "are looking for some NEWS to report. So... tell us, strapping fella... what is YOUR name?!" "Ah" is all Davros lets slip through his lips as the brave little goblin explains who they are "the GGN. The same hard hitting journalists that interviewed the wrong Dani" he smiles knowingly, the whole situation rather humorous, and against his better judgement he proceeds, "Davros Steiner," he offers his name, though immediately wondering if he should have just lied about that, "I work as a blacksmith for the Cabbala. Nice to meet you Snetch Jr" Snetch Jr puts a little space between him and Davros. "You're a DRAGON, aren't you?" he doesn't wait for an answer before jabbing an accusing finger in Davros's direction, "WHAT ARE YOU MADE OF?!" he demands. Even his usually stoic assistant gasps at the strange question and looks to Davros. "I heard from RELIABLE SOURCES," that was unlikely, "that YOU.... are FAKE! That you're a GOLEM!" Getting right into it Snetch squares his shoulders and demands, "TELL ME.... THE TRUTH!" Davros purses his lips, brow perked curiously as he draws in a long sigh, moving to sit on one of the nearby crates and bringing himself into direct eye level with the Snetch Jr. "Come now, my friend, I have read your papers. -reliable sources- is a very stretched term in your case. Yes, i am a dragon. But Golem?" Davros muses on that rather humorously, "Golem is a new one, i will admit. But what would it matter, hm? Am i real, or am I a construct?" He motions wide over the area, "The Cabbala has plenty of necromancers and undead servants, so would it be much of a surprise if i wasnt a real... human? Dragon?" He grins, lingering in silence a moment and continues, "the real question should be why is a cleric under the employ of the Cabbala, hm? A cleric dragon golem thats possibly a thrall to... whom?" He ponders playfully, "convoluted a bit, yes?" "A Cleric!" Snetch declared, like an ah-HAH moment. "No doubt you're responsible for something nefarious. SPILL IT! Give us all the juicy details! Have you been raising an army of undead pigeons to deny the Tusks delicious snacks? What do you plan to do with your carrion air force?" He gasps and points an accusing finger, "ARE YOU PLANNING TO INVADE THE JADE LOTUS?" Even Snetch's glorious assistant held her hands over her ears at the volume he was shouting at. Everyone at the dock will have heard how Davros apparently plans to invade the Jade Lotus Empire! "N..nooooo?" Davros replies with a questioning inflection. His brow raised curiously and yet he can't help but smile, enjoying the antics unfolding before him. He decides to overlook the poor creatures blatant misunderstanding of what Davros does as a cleric and instead decides to dive right on in to the crazy, "it never occurred to me to invade the Jade Empire, though i hear the Sake is good..." he leans in close to the goblin, whispering with a wry grin, "i dont think i can do it alone. Do you know anyone that could help? I could use someone on the inside. I just need to know where they keep the bulk of their alcohol, that's my main goal. I can start a monopoly on booze, I'll even cut you in on the profits" Snetch leaned in so he could hear Davros, though even at a whisper the dragon was easily heard even by Snetch's assistant. When Davros offered Snetch a cut of the profits the goblin's eyes went wide. There was a look of wonder and respect, as if he suddenly realized this was a kindred spirit and not just someone to interview. "I know some guys," Snetch confirmed before trying to get his secretary to stop taking down every details. Spoiler alert: she didn't stop. "Since I'm providing the muscle AND the brains," he waved off that Davros was the one who came up with the plan, "I'll give you 20%. The rest will go to the Goblin Gossip Network and into covering up our involvement." Writer's note: That was a lie, Snetch would probably pocket it all and try to pin it on Davros. Snetch keeps his voice low as he continues, "they keep it all in the place that made Rukbah fly. The booze house overlooking the lake inside the mountain, whatever that's called. When are we doing this?" "Right now" Davros reaches into his pocket and produces a rather small bag. He opens it to shows Snetch the contents; about 30, tiny, marble sized rocks, "don't worry about the plan and people. I -ALREADY- have 20 heavily armored dragons waiting, just across the water." Davros continues, not missing a beat, "you see, my friend, you caught me just before the assault. But you've given us a fantastic opportunity. No one would suspect such a brilliant distraction. What i need YOU to do, is take these pellets and hurl them at the Lotus guards. They'll make tiny explosions... not lethal, but enough to get their attention while my Dragon cohorts soar in through the clouds." That was enough to end the interview. Snetch could not resist the urge to throw explosives so, naturally, he snatched the little bag from Davros and took off like a bolt, presumably heading toward the Jade Lotus to cause a ruckus. The assistant sighed and waved to Davros before wandering after him, no doubt to save his sorry ass. The idiot hadn't even asked where to pick up his cash or where to meet after the heist. Davros stands up and dusts himself off, grabbing the items he was originally there for as he heads back for the cabbala, smiling "Blessings of the Gods upon you, ya crazy little bastard". "Infernal Love" with Miss Scarlet Dear Miss Scarlet, I am having some problems at my workplace. One of my coworkers (male) had a little fling with our boss (female) and they were always schmoozing it up around the place. Well I guess she recently broke it off and took up with someone else and since then the coworker has been insufferable. He keeps hitting on anything that moves and despite me telling him I am not interested, he keeps doing the same to me. I'm not really attracted to him, but I feel sorry for the poor guy and have been thinking maybe a one night stand would get him over it and cheer up. What do you think? -signed, Selfless Lover Dear Selfless, first let me commend you for your empathy. Your co-worker is no doubt having a rough time of it, it's never easy going from the elevated status of being the boss's boy toy back to being a regular peon, let alone getting cucked by the HBIC in front of everyone. While your heart is in the right place, I advise you not to follow through with your plans. A maxim only slightly less well known than "Never get involved in a land war in Pesh'mer'gal'ia" and "Never stick your dick in crazy" is "Never fuck a desperate man on the rebound." Right now he is going through a crisis of masculinity and trying urgently to remain relevant and fill the gaping hole in his life by filling the hole in someone else's gaping thighs. If you get involved with him in this situation it's only going to lead to heartbreak and problems down the line - particularly as this is someone you have to work with on a presumably daily basis. Hard as it may be, resist the impulse to get involved in other people's relationship problems and keep those legs crossed until he's done working it out with hookers and slaves. I have included in my reply to you some brochures for area brothels and local sex workers if you wish to surreptitiously leave then where he can find them. Dear Miss Scarlet,
I have quite a problem on my hands. I thought I had met an amazing woman. I can be rather shy but she knows just how to bring me out of my shell. She's humorous and witty, finishes my sentences like she knows what I'm thinking, is fun to be around, not to mention drop dead gorgeous and quite a handful in the sack! We have gone on several dates that always went well. I can't stop thinking about her, I even have dreams about her every night. I think I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but when I bring it up she seems very reluctant to commit. She's very secretive and mysterious and doesn't speak about herself or her past much and never seems to want to go back to her place.. I'm usually so tired after one of her visits it's all I can do to just go to sleep, but last time I managed to get up and follow her. Out of the city, all through the woods, towards that dreadful swamp - and that's when I saw her change! She grew wings and horns and a tail and took off flying over the trees! I am totally devastated - this whole time she's been some sort of foul demon or witch from the Cabbala! I am afraid if I even see her again she'll attack me or steal my soul! I don't know what to do, what if my neighbors find out? Should I visit a cleric? Should I get checked for disease? -No Sympathy For The Devil Dear No Sympathy, your query prompts quite an ethical dilemma. On one hand you feel your trust has been betrayed by this woman misrepresenting herself. On the other hand, you yourself have betrayed her trust by violating her boundaries and ended up seeing something that changed your perception of the relationship. Prior to this point you seemed to be perfectly happy with the arrangement, and conflict was only introduced after you sought to take the relationship to a level that she was not comfortable with (commitment) and had seemingly expressed as much, a reluctance that is understandable given the nature of her secret and the negativity shown in your reaction. By your descriptions it would seem likely that you are dealing with a succubus. This presents a complex situation that is emblematic of the often fraught dating landscape of Sincadere where so many different races and beings cohabitate. I find that a healthy dose of empathy and trying to see things from others perspective can help when dealing with such difficulties. The very nature of your missive also betrays some inherent bias of your own. Would your reaction have been the same if your mysterious lady friend had been revealed to be a celestial in mortal guise or perhaps a wily kitsune from the Jade Lotus, or an Unseelie fae, or any of a multitude of other races that seemingly enjoy a better reputation than beings of the lower planes? Have you considered that a being that could seemingly read your mind might have been aware of your presence the whole time and that the reveal might have been a test of your love and reaction? These are difficult questions for me to answer with what was provided in your letter. You might wish to get checked for disease by your local healer, same as you would for any encounter with a new sexual partner, but I would not worry about being cursed or her returning, as my guess is she will likely never reveal herself to you again. Also, having your soul stolen should not be a concern as I have it on good authority that yours is already the sole property of the Pit Fiend Bel'shathrub which tells me you have bigger problems to worry about than a reputation as a succubus fucker. As ever, I remain, Miss Scarlet Jicho Brokil’s Big Deal Thoughts on Cabbala School of Arts and Stuff So Brokil heard magic stuff school was big deal, right? So he does it propa, makes a special day to meet with the mistress of the school. Was even shown to school by Hound. Funny thing’ iz is that Brokil don’t remember anything! Others tell Brokil that he goes in school and comes out all funny but he don’t remember none of that. Others also say they can’t follow ‘im in. How can he do propa magic without Others there? He can’t! Clearly school ain’t very magicy and stuff. Also, if he can’t remember bein’ there then clearly it wasn’t impressive and clearly neither was the mistress. Brokil got like a real good memory and stuff. Remembers stuff real good but don’t remember none of this. Must of been all boring and stuff. So in closin’ Brokil think Cabbala school of magic and arts ain’t that impressive. Also tower ain’t that big. Brokil seen bigger towers...harder towers...longer towers. That tower ain’t that big. ![]() Brokil declares the CCOA... BAD MOG! Jicho Brokil’s Big Deal Thoughts on Bound Elf Not enough bound elves. Wait though! Brokil got more to say. Boung Elf ain’t got enough bound elfs. Only few but not many. Brokil been to Bound Elf few times, only see few bound elves. One was dancin’ all sexy like but didn’t even offer Brokil a suck off. Why they got bound elves if they ain’t even gonna offer Brokil a good suck off? That’s bad mog. Drinks cost lots of coin. Brokil needs lots of drinks and ain’t got that kinda coin. Bad mog! White faun lady behind counter once let Brokil pay with teef. This is propa way to run business. This good mog. Others behind counter though, they want Brokil to pay lots of coin. Bad mog! Brokil meet lots of people there. Place is busy like. This Good Mog. Meet his number one big deal customer, Rio there. She buys lots from Brokil. This is good mog. Big Deal Thoughts on Bound Elf? Mixed mog. Drinks should be cheapa so Brokil can drink lots! ![]() Brokil gives Bound Elf No Mog! Brokil's Soaps, Oils, and Great Jicho stuff!
Come now, buy lots! Brokil is big deal. This is known. Great Green Prophet and all. Brokil now offers his big deal services to those outside Black Tusk. Come get Soap and Oil from Brokil. He got good nose, makes good smells. Best smells. Better smells than lazy pinks. Brokil sniffs real good. Brokil will sniff them real good too, make them kustom scent just for them. They smell real good and nice because Brokil's stuff is best stuff. Need Jicho Stuff? Brokil makes that too. Sell real nice prices. Fire bombs to make fire or boom sticks to make booms! Come to Brokil, he sell you Jicho stuff. Need Jicho for ritual? Want to get sow full of pups? Want to make happy day even betta? Come see Brokil! He does it all. He is kinda big deal. They should know this! Come to Brokil. BUY HIS STUFF! Soaps Bricks: 3 copper each Brokil Special (Amber color) - Smells like pine sap Spicy Soap (Rust Colored) - Smells like exotic spices Punch (Brown) - Smells potent and peppery, makes the eyes water Scented Oils: 4 Copper each Charcoal (Black): Smells like charcoal and smoke Good Rut (pink): Smells like pussy Stunfuck (light brown): smells like salty coffee Sea Strong (bluish white): Smells like salt water and sea weed Sweet Demon Flowa (Red): Smells very much like a succubus's pheromones Strong Blood (Dark Red) Smells like opium smoke and blood. kustom scent: Negotiable and stuff. usually 8 copper Jicho Stuff: Negotiable and stuff. Makes deals for big buyers! Orc Magic Boom Stick: stick makes things boom when he points it and says magic orc word. Orc Magic Itchy Stick: stick makes things go itchy when he points it and says magic orc word. Fire Bomb: Throw this and then fire! Ichty Scratchy Powder bag: throw this and boom, cloud of ichy scratchy dust. Orc Wax: Pour over wound to seal it shut. Doesn't heal wound though. Just stops bleeding. Brokil's Cream: soothes itchy and scratchy like from Ichty Scratchy powder. Nightmare Doll: Creepy doll he can hide in room. Make sleepers have night terrors. Good Mog Doll: Burn doll to chase away bad mog. Brokil's Swamp Weed: Dried swamp weed he can smoke to feel real nice. Good Mog Orc Charm: Charm he wears for good mog. High Energy Orc Charm: Charm he wears to have big orc bull energy all time! Orc Bad Mog Catcher: Charm he can hang up to catch bad mog before it gets him. Real Good Jicho Services: Negotiable and stuff Fertility Ritual: Makes sow nice and fertile. Despoiler Ritual: Ritual to make everyone want good pleasure. Eat Drink Rut, whatever they want. Brokil bless it and does magic! Orcish Full belly test: Checks sow to see if she got pup in her belly. Good Mog Ritual: Helps participants get good mog and feel real nice. Bad Mog Ritual: Curse someone with bag mog, not Brokil though...never Brokil. Fortune tellin': Brokil Great Green Prophet, kinda big deal. Others will tell him secrects that he will share for coin! Iron One Frenzy ritual: Bless chorga, make them all fighty and tough. Weddins: Ain't an orc thing but hear pinks do it all the time. Make two to one so they can just bug each other all the time. Happy Day Ritual: Brokil comes to happy day he/she havin' and make it very happy with his Jicho stuff. As reported by GGN Goblin Gossip Network. The Multifarious Monthly Review makes no claims that the Goblin GOSSIP Network is a reliable news source. Articles are posted with minor edits for spelling and grammar but not reviewed for content. The Multifarious Monthly Review does not accept any financial burden that results in the GGN's reporting practices. Let it be known that Snetch Junior is no coward! This brave goblin risked life, limb and soul to venture into the Cabbala and bring us the real deal. The real Silver Terror. Read on to discover just who paid for her bogus degree and who pulls the puppet strings behind the Archon's new throne!! In order to ensure journalistic integrity, we immortalized the exchange in the form of descriptive writing, beautifully captured by Snetch Junior's assistant! ... After the brutal sacrifice and the raucous feast, Snetch Jr and his faithful assistant made their way to the Cabbala. Snetch wore his usual greasy tunic and slicked back hair, but also a very fake mustache as if that might disguise his appearance. He was sweating. The beautiful assistant, in her black pencil skirt, also looked scared but much more 'together' than Snetch. Eventually he got close enough to Daniella to clear his throat and smile up at her, "uh... congratulations on your recent promotion, Ms Travesty... you ARE Ms Travesty aren't you? Not some imPOStor?"
The Faun looked around when someone cleared their throat, then down. Not that the Goblin was that much smaller than she was; Dani was not a particular tall person unless one counted the height of her antlers. For a long moment she just stared before her eyebrows swept upward, "Am I Ms. Travesty? Well, " The hand not holding wine thrust up in the air with three fingers, "Let's figure this out okay? Am I a silver faun? Yes." She folded down a finger, "Do I want to poison you?.. Yes." the second finger came down, till just that one; a middle one, was pointing in the air "And who else but a Ms Travesty would be promoted here like this? Me! So.. Yes.." That third finger folded and she went back to staring, "Now what can I do for you, if I've satisfied your identity crisis." Snetch recoiled as each finger came down as if she was threatening him with all three fingers and not just the second one. "G-great," he replied while his assistant pretended not to notice his nervousness and furiously jotted down every interaction with her usual dedication and flare. "You uh... you wanted to be interviewed, right? And I'm suppose to give you this?" He holds out a small bag of coin, presumably the compensation so artfully demanded by the Archon's letter. "How uh... how does it feel to rule over the Cabbala as you've ALWAYS INTENDED," he swallows heavily after his outburst but by now his bravado was starting to chip away at his cowardice. "And... IS IT TRUE... that Shin isn't simply missing, but you had him MURDERED because he wouldn't BEND THE KNEE?!" Daniella stared down at Snetch for a long moment as he seemed to get his bearings, though when he held out a bag of coin she reached down to snatch it from his hand with her own greedy fingers. Dani had learned much from dragons, coin was to be hoarded. "I am so glad you've come to clear the record, I knew your editor wouldn't be pleased you had the wrong faun." It was all she could do not to point to her silver hair and ears and describe again how -she- was the Silver terror. Instead she flashed her most charming smile and a metallic clawed fingertip reached out to try to poke the Goblin's nose, "It feels marvelous. Eclipse did an outstanding job, but I am very eager to make this territory into my own vision. It has been a long time coming," She nodded a few times and raised her eyebrow at the second question, "Well you're aware of our Founder's hunger aren't you? Sometimes all I have to do is ask Grandpa-Vaeros to do me a favor, and if he hasn't eaten yet he's quite amiable. Do you think you'd make a good snack? Should I call him?" "VAEROS ATE SHIN!?" Snetch shouted before glancing around as if looking for the giant red dragon. "That's simply diabolical," he added at a more reasonable volume. After a moment of looking around he seemed to recall he was in the middle of an interview and turned back to Dani. "So... you're quite the Rags to Riches story, aren't you?" he started slowly, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. "You started as... a SLAVE... and now you've paid Headmistress Aigie enough money to actually graduate!! Tell me... TELL US ALL... and TELL THE TRUTH... how much did it COST you to be the first graduate of the CCOA??" The Faun was giggling a little now. Swaying back and forth so her skirt flounced around her. The imagine of Shyn being swallowed by Vaero, while untrue, was still satisfying. Did the Shade read this gossip rag? Oh she hoped so. When the conversation turned to CCOA her eyes got wide, a twitch in her cheek at the mention of her past. Dani pushed that aside, "Me pay the Headmistress?! I did not become one of the most wealthy in Sincadere by throwing my coin away. No, they pay me! I was one of the first students, and now Archon of the Cabbala! Think of the fame me graduating might bring!!" Snetch relaxed a little bit when Dani giggled, it set him at ease a little. "So... you're saying that Headmistress AIGIE... paid HOUND to step down so that you could be her PUPPET ON THE THRONE?!" Snetch cackled but his assistant looked like she was ready to flee. "AND GAVE YOU A BOGUS DEGREE?!?! What is this world COMING TO?" Dani narrowed her eyes slightly in warning, "I am nobodies puppet " she warned before leaning down to get a little closer, as if to share a secret. The faun glanced left then right, a finger pressed to her lips "Did you know if you stay too long here, the air will corrupt your minds? There's magic here, dark magic...can't you feel it? I can see it crawling on you," Dani nodded a bit, pointing to Snetch's shoulder, "right there." Snetch and his assistant were entranced when Dani lowers her voice. They both lean in to listen, Snetch's eyes growing wider and wider until Dani points to his shoulder and he loses it. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!!" he screams while his assistant watches, helpless to do anything. "AAHHHH THE WITCH CURSED ME!" he screams before taking off toward the Cabbala entrance, "THIS FUCKING PLACE IS FUCKED UP!" "Was it something I said?" She called out to the screaming Goblin as he ran off. Regarding Goblin Gossip Network's Oct 4th "Celebrity Interview: Dani the Silver Terror"
Dear Editor, While I am delighted to read your interviews when they come out, I must point out a grievous error. Imagine my surprise to see an article written about me, when I have never met one of your reporters before. This is a scandal for your well reputed paper, one I am sure you will make right. Please be advised that I know many whom excel in the litigation of different territories of the realm and I have been told in situations like these, monetary funds to smooth the grievous insult is usually an acceptable form of apology. Since the skill of your workers seems rather low, I can only imagine you don't have the deep pockets that would be necessary to repair the injury you've caused my reputation. I expect a scheduled interview within the next hand of days, and a retraction with an apology published. Please send all correspondence to the Keep within the Cabbala Amartia. Daniella Travesty The Silver Terror P.S. My silver dragons will not eat you if you meet the time frame given above. Dear Readers, while the above letter may seem like a form of extortion allow me to assure all of you that I, M. Noteworthy, am deeply regretful of the actions of the Goblin Gossip Network. It is my duty as editor to review each publication of this 'well reputed paper' as Ms Travesty so succinctly put it, and I will most certainly censure the Goblin Gossip Network for their terrible mistake. I will not, however, censor any writer of this publication. Ms Travesty, you have my sincerest apologies, given freely despite your 'request' and I will ensure another Goblin Gossip Network reporter will interview you properly. I have also seen fit to arrange a generous donation to the Bound Elf for your trouble. Those readers who are not aware of the Bound Elf should take the time to visit the charming gathering place. There they will find salacious delights and well priced menu items to slake just about any thirst. While I will not retract the already published article I will ensure that future printings have an appropriate warning about the quality of reporters employed by the Goblin Gossip Network. It was my error in thinking the mere name of the organization was enough of an indication as to the veracity of their claims. Yours truly, M. Noteworthy As reported by GGN Goblin Gossip Network Despite the difficulty and the danger involved, the GGN is still dedicated to bringing you the only RELIABLE NEWS SOURCE in all of Sincadere! Hard hitting journalism, honest and accurate! In order to ensure journalistic integrity, we immortalized the exchange in the form of descriptive writing, beautifully captured by Snetch Junior's assistant! This time around both our reporter, Snetch Jr, and his assistant were brutally hexed by none other than Dani the Silver Terror of Cabbala! As you will see, she is plotting world domination and all of us are in danger! . . . The two goblins made their way toward the Cabbala intending to find another vict-, candidate for celebrity interviews. The LAST time any goblins from the Goblin Gossip Network travelled to the Cabbala, the reporter was slain brutally by the Crimelord. To say these two were nervous was an understatement. As they got closer to the swamp their steps got slower... until they came to a halt outside the entrance. Maybe they'd get lucky and their intended target would walk out of the Cabbala and they could conduct the interview here! Snetch Jr adjusted his stained and unwashed tunic and ran a hand through his greased back hair before nodding to his assistant to indicate she should start documenting everything. The assistant, dressed in a pencil skirt, began scribbling furiously on her handy parchment.
Meanwhile, Trinket the succubus was preparing to head up to the surface to hunt some mischief, or a soul to drain. Pausing by the glowing warning obelisks, the crimson fiend begins to shimmer and flow, shapeshifting into a more innocuous form. Assuming the identity of a svelte savanna faun, she recites a familiar incantation and glamours herself in some suitable clothing to fit the role and heads up out of the concealed tunnel entrance. Slipping past the swamp troll and goblin that perpetually guard the entry, the 'faun' is drawn up short by a pair of unfamiliar goblins posted up on the wooden dock just outside. "Oh, hello there!" She trills in a melodic voice "Heading into the Cabbala? Today's your lucky day, admission is half price." She posits with a roguish grin. Snetch Jr looked up at the faun and grins. "PERFECT!" he exclaims, nudging his assistant. "Dani the Silver Terror," this faun looked nothing like Dani, but Snetch didn't know what Dani looked like! "Just in time for your interview. Now I don't have to pay admission and you get to have your 15 minutes of fame!" He takes a deep breath, straightens his greasy tunic and dives right in. "I'm Snetch Junior reporting for the Goblin Gossip Network. Today we're asking the hard hitting questions of the Cabbala's second in command. Tell me Dani... IS IT TRUE... that you got in bed with Helheim's King in order to collaborate with him to ruin the reputation of Daichi Akio of the Jade Lotus Empire?! I have it on GOOD AUTHORITY that you did this. Colluding with one enemy to take down another one socially!!" Fyerna the 'faun' was actually taken aback for a moment; of all the responses she'd ever had to a shakedown attempt, that had to be the most unexpected. Then she gives him a quirked, squinty 'wtf?' manner of stare, before glancing down at her tawny tan and black coloration - nothing about her was remotely silver, even her antlers were completely different; she looked nothing like the noted Cabbalan faun. She ALMOST said "What, do you think all fauns look alike?" but after the briefest pause what actually comes out of the disguised demon's mouth is "...Of course it's true!" in a cursing snarl as if angry her secret deeds had just been exposed to the bright light of day. From one of the sheathes strapped to a thigh, the faun drew a long thin double sided dagger to toy with casually as she advanced upon the pair of goblins. "Not just Tyr of course, but all of them! My squad of succubus infiltrators has gotten into bed with everyone from Helheim to the Empire - Daichi, the Empress - all of the leadership." She leans forward, looming over them "All of them" she illustrates, poking with the needle point of the dagger. Letting the assertation settle in before twisting the metaphorical knife "How else could I spread the poison so efficiently? What do you think that rash amongst the leadership is everyone is talking about? Ahahaha! Haha!" she cackles gleefully "Oh they all think its a venereal disease, that's what it's supposed to look like - at first - but just you wait! In a couple weeks the SPORES will start hatching! AHAHA!" Snetch Jr was taken aback by the answer he got. Not only did she admit it, but she gave him MORE juicy goss- news to track down and report. "I KNEW IT," he exclaimed when he had recovered enough. "Now let's talk about your ambition. YOU once sat on the throne of Cabbala and then, what, just handed it over to Hound?" he shuddered when he said that name.. and who could blame him! The former Snetch was eaten alive during her interview! "NOW I hear... from RELIABLE SOURCES... that you are in cahoots with Grand Marshal Eli in a plot to take over Helheim!! When do you set your sights on Jade Lotus Empire? Is it your goal to rule all of SINCADERE?!" He paused for only one heartbeat and then screamed, "TELL ME THE TRUTH! I CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH!" Fyerna snickers evilly at the question of the throne, giving her dagger a toss in the air and catching it deftly. "Do you really think I would just give up the throne? I needed a figurehead to take all the blame while I wield the true power behind the Cabbala!" She paces side to side, cloven hooves making the rotted boards of the dock creak and groan. Sneering at mention of the Grand Marshal she launches into a cackling diatribe "Hah! Eligorv... another puppet in my machinations! He has already outlived his usefulness to me, I have had a new captain of the guard installed that will serve my purposes better!" Casting the dagger down to stick in the wooden dock, she subtly alters her glamour to create a set of metal claw rings on her fingers, to loom menacingly with over the pair of goblins. "The Empire, hmpf! Silk spinners and rice farmers - I have already been crowned Queen of the Unseelie Court and ruler of all Fae - The Empire and indeed all of Sincadere will soon be but a footnote in my reign as no plane of existence shall be safe from the Silver Terror!" All the violent posturing was getting to Snetch Jr and his Assistant but somehow the goblin held his ground and asked, "and why... pray tell, do they call you the Silver Terror? Dani, second in command of the Cabbala, I see nothing silver about you! Maybe if you were a white faun and not tan and black, I could see it. Just what about you makes you the SILVER terror?!" Fyerna scoffs at the question, seeming insulted by it, and withdrawing a pace. "Because of all the silver I hoard!" She answers. "Mountains of it! Coins and bars, and bullion, I have caves and caves full of it. And a pair of silver dragons to guard all of it!" Pausing in her rant, the faun regards the two goblins with a mischievous grin "A better question might have been 'why have I told you all these secrets.'" she notes, grin growing wider. She begins to move metal clawed hands in arcane-looking but ultimately meaningless gestures, while using a simple cantrip to make her fingers glow with a malignant red energy. "I curse you both, a hex upon you! You shall be doomed to know the truth but NONE SHALL BELIEVE YOU! A curse, I bind to you, a hex to follow you both to the end of your days! Fated to watch my evil plans come to fruition but powerless to stop them! A curse of the Liar's Tongue! Forever shall you be disbelieved!" Cackling, she uses a further cantrip a make a peal of thunder rumble down from the sky "Now FLEE! Before I change my mind!" Snetch and his assistant were SHOOK, right down to the core. Neither had to be told twice... as soon as Fyerna told them to flee, they bolted for the Great Forest, likely intending to seek refuge in the Black Tusk camp. As they reached the tree line a shout echoed back toward fake-Dani, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE-NE-NE-NE!" Whatever THAT meant. It would seem the interview was over... and Snetch Jr survived. This time. "Infernal Love" with Miss Scarlet
Dear Miss Scarlet A number of us regular folk have heard talk of a rather concerning medical issue within the leadership of our realm. We have heard that a rash is spreading through the royals and leaders of the regions within Sincadere. This may just be the rumor mill grinding the flour of lies and misinformation but many of us are concerned as to the health of our leadership and also the possibility of the rash spreading to the regular, common folk. We have heard that the rash is sexual in nature and may have been spread through the various meetings that the leaders attend but we also know that some of the leaders, mainly those filthy beasts in the Cabbala, tend to fornicate with whoever they capture I suppose what I'm asking is, are we in danger of losing our leaders and are we looking at realm-wide pandemic of the itchy bits? Thank you, Burning with curiosity Dear Burning with Curiosity, I received your letter with something of a sense of alarm tempered with caution. While I would be hesitant to raise the cry of a pandemic, these happenings must be treated with the utmost seriousness, for if disregarded what could well be just a little outbreak of the crotch rot amongst some decadent nobles might well grow into a new plague. I would offer assurance to Burning that a bit of the whore's blossom amongst the leadership is usually nothing to be worried about. A surprising amount of diplomatic work between nations to say nothing of their internal affairs is carried out in the bedrooms of ambassadors, diplomats, nobility, and officials. Many a treaty and trade agreement has been hammered out over a barebacked ride or sorted by a cunning linguist and a touch of the drip is seen as the cost of doing business. To err on the side of caution, Miss Scarlet did reach out to some of her contacts in the kingdom of Helheim as well as the Jade Lotus Empire and was given assurances that all is under control and the nature of the malady has been greatly exaggerated. Which is exactly what I would expect to be told by leaderships eager to keep a lid on their affairs. In the interest of thoroughness Miss Scarlet also reached out to the Cabbala Amarita even though they are notoriously close-lipped on their dealings. When asked about the recent rumors of disease and the possibility of their origins in the Cabbala, Miss Scarlet's anonymous source had only a veiled "Wait and see" accompanied by maniacal laughter and gnashing of fangs, followed by a pointed commentary on the sexual proclivities of other kingdoms leadership which is not fit to be printed in this esteemed periodical. With any official word on the matter dubious at best, Miss Scarlet offers the following advice: Discuss sexual history with any potential partners and don't be shy about regular check ups with your local physician, cleric, or healers guild. When in doubt, abstinence is always a best practice to avoid bedroom bugs, and readers dismayed at that prospect can always send in five copper and a self-addressed envelope to receive Miss Scarlet's newest publication "101 Ways to Go Fuck Yourself; A Manual of Self-Love." Until next time, dear readers, I remain, Miss Scarlet |
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