As reported by GGN Goblin Gossip Network. The Multifarious Monthly Review makes no claims that the Goblin GOSSIP Network is a reliable news source. Articles are posted with minor edits for spelling and grammar but not reviewed for content. The Multifarious Monthly Review does not accept any financial burden that results in the GGN's reporting practices. Our latest in a series of celebrity interviews. Tonight, be dazzled by the vile cunning of Davros the Conquerer* who uses moronic goblins to do his bidding while he plots his evil ascension to EMPORER OF THE JADE LOTUS EMPIRE! In order to ensure journalistic integrity, we immortalized the exchange in the form of descriptive writing, beautifully captured by Snetch Junior's assistant! * Conquerer is a title granted by creative license of the GGN and is no way actually applied to the recipient of this interview. . . . Snetch Junior, the Goblin reporter, made his way toward the Helheim docks. The intention was to track down Baron Hogrimm in the hopes of buying an interview from him. Followed by his faithful, and rather ravishing, assistant in her pencil skirt with a quill stuck in her hair, the reporter scoured the docks. Coming up short he turned to the nearest individual and pointed, "hey, you... you want to be famous?"
Davros was finishing some business at the docks. Some things he needed for his shop, sadly, just could not be found down in the caves. It was nice, however, to see the sun one in awhile and stretch his proverbial wings. When the voice catches his attention, however, it takes a moment to realise the goblin was speaking to him. Hesitating for a moment, Davros sighs. As much as every part of his being screamed at him to run, he was never one to be rude, "No... I dont. But curiosity dictates that i must ask who you are and how you would even make someone famous" Snetch Jr, in an unusual show of bravery, puffed his chest and exclaimed loudly, "I am from a long line of world famous HARD HITTING journalists," by long line he meant, of course, that his father Sentch Sr had also been a reporter. "I am Snetch of the GGN. I and my lovely assistant," he gestured to the goblin woman beside him, "are looking for some NEWS to report. So... tell us, strapping fella... what is YOUR name?!" "Ah" is all Davros lets slip through his lips as the brave little goblin explains who they are "the GGN. The same hard hitting journalists that interviewed the wrong Dani" he smiles knowingly, the whole situation rather humorous, and against his better judgement he proceeds, "Davros Steiner," he offers his name, though immediately wondering if he should have just lied about that, "I work as a blacksmith for the Cabbala. Nice to meet you Snetch Jr" Snetch Jr puts a little space between him and Davros. "You're a DRAGON, aren't you?" he doesn't wait for an answer before jabbing an accusing finger in Davros's direction, "WHAT ARE YOU MADE OF?!" he demands. Even his usually stoic assistant gasps at the strange question and looks to Davros. "I heard from RELIABLE SOURCES," that was unlikely, "that YOU.... are FAKE! That you're a GOLEM!" Getting right into it Snetch squares his shoulders and demands, "TELL ME.... THE TRUTH!" Davros purses his lips, brow perked curiously as he draws in a long sigh, moving to sit on one of the nearby crates and bringing himself into direct eye level with the Snetch Jr. "Come now, my friend, I have read your papers. -reliable sources- is a very stretched term in your case. Yes, i am a dragon. But Golem?" Davros muses on that rather humorously, "Golem is a new one, i will admit. But what would it matter, hm? Am i real, or am I a construct?" He motions wide over the area, "The Cabbala has plenty of necromancers and undead servants, so would it be much of a surprise if i wasnt a real... human? Dragon?" He grins, lingering in silence a moment and continues, "the real question should be why is a cleric under the employ of the Cabbala, hm? A cleric dragon golem thats possibly a thrall to... whom?" He ponders playfully, "convoluted a bit, yes?" "A Cleric!" Snetch declared, like an ah-HAH moment. "No doubt you're responsible for something nefarious. SPILL IT! Give us all the juicy details! Have you been raising an army of undead pigeons to deny the Tusks delicious snacks? What do you plan to do with your carrion air force?" He gasps and points an accusing finger, "ARE YOU PLANNING TO INVADE THE JADE LOTUS?" Even Snetch's glorious assistant held her hands over her ears at the volume he was shouting at. Everyone at the dock will have heard how Davros apparently plans to invade the Jade Lotus Empire! "N..nooooo?" Davros replies with a questioning inflection. His brow raised curiously and yet he can't help but smile, enjoying the antics unfolding before him. He decides to overlook the poor creatures blatant misunderstanding of what Davros does as a cleric and instead decides to dive right on in to the crazy, "it never occurred to me to invade the Jade Empire, though i hear the Sake is good..." he leans in close to the goblin, whispering with a wry grin, "i dont think i can do it alone. Do you know anyone that could help? I could use someone on the inside. I just need to know where they keep the bulk of their alcohol, that's my main goal. I can start a monopoly on booze, I'll even cut you in on the profits" Snetch leaned in so he could hear Davros, though even at a whisper the dragon was easily heard even by Snetch's assistant. When Davros offered Snetch a cut of the profits the goblin's eyes went wide. There was a look of wonder and respect, as if he suddenly realized this was a kindred spirit and not just someone to interview. "I know some guys," Snetch confirmed before trying to get his secretary to stop taking down every details. Spoiler alert: she didn't stop. "Since I'm providing the muscle AND the brains," he waved off that Davros was the one who came up with the plan, "I'll give you 20%. The rest will go to the Goblin Gossip Network and into covering up our involvement." Writer's note: That was a lie, Snetch would probably pocket it all and try to pin it on Davros. Snetch keeps his voice low as he continues, "they keep it all in the place that made Rukbah fly. The booze house overlooking the lake inside the mountain, whatever that's called. When are we doing this?" "Right now" Davros reaches into his pocket and produces a rather small bag. He opens it to shows Snetch the contents; about 30, tiny, marble sized rocks, "don't worry about the plan and people. I -ALREADY- have 20 heavily armored dragons waiting, just across the water." Davros continues, not missing a beat, "you see, my friend, you caught me just before the assault. But you've given us a fantastic opportunity. No one would suspect such a brilliant distraction. What i need YOU to do, is take these pellets and hurl them at the Lotus guards. They'll make tiny explosions... not lethal, but enough to get their attention while my Dragon cohorts soar in through the clouds." That was enough to end the interview. Snetch could not resist the urge to throw explosives so, naturally, he snatched the little bag from Davros and took off like a bolt, presumably heading toward the Jade Lotus to cause a ruckus. The assistant sighed and waved to Davros before wandering after him, no doubt to save his sorry ass. The idiot hadn't even asked where to pick up his cash or where to meet after the heist. Davros stands up and dusts himself off, grabbing the items he was originally there for as he heads back for the cabbala, smiling "Blessings of the Gods upon you, ya crazy little bastard". Comments are closed.
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