Un'yon: Fur and Bamboo ((A Spartacus: Blood and Sand Parody)) Intro The curtain was down, as the time for the play came and went. Suddenly, tiny punches ballooned out from behind the curtain in random spots. Finally finding the split in the middle, Yisu popped out onto the front of the stage. She took a moment to put her hair back into place before giving a low waist bow to the audience. “Tonight’s play is called Un’yon: Fur and Bamboo. An exciting tale of oppression… revolution, and the rise of a Fortune! Un’yon (pronounced union) is my honored Ancestor, and this play means a super lot to me! As much as Mick!” Yisu blushed, gave another bow, and ran to the side corner of the stage, the Narrator’s podium. She cleared her throat and in a loud clear voice, intoned, “We start hundreds and hundreds of years prior, behind the Mist Wall, where time flowed slower for the budding Jade Lotus Empire. The Imp’ress was wise, and she guided her followers to be fruitful, and focused on balance and the ways of the realm. They treated the nekoyami well. But one day….the evil, mean Ash’Lee, of the Underground Kingdoms, wormed their way into the Imp’ress’ kindness. Dark days for the Nekoyami came…” Act 1 Post 1: The curtain lifted to reveal a cutout of the original Jade Palace and three shops; a kimono shop, a noodle shop, and a sushi shop. One nekoyami stood at each of the shops, while another stood in front of the palace on high stilted geta, a bit wobbly, but looking fabulous in an all-white kimono, and a headdress that was twice the size of her tiny cat head, clearly the Imp’ress. One other nekoyami, dressed in a crimson red and black kimono stood opposite of the Imp’ress. This evil-looking cat walked into the ‘village’ and passed each of the nekoyami by the stalls. From above, a nekoyami in the rafters shone a hooded lantern down on the villainous nekoyami, Ash’Lee, as she spoke in an overexaggerated manner, “Greetings business people! I am Ash’Lee of the Underground Kingdoms on the border of the Empire! I have come to beseech business reform, so we may prosper! I go to the Imp’ress, so that she may hear my wisdom, and totally not an evil plan!” The other nekoyami: Young Woman Noodle, Young Man Sushi, and Middle Aged Woman Kimono all nodded in agreement, as Ash’Lee walked toward the Imp’ress. The spotlight nekoyami shifted to a new nekoyami peeking out from behind the sushi stall. Un’yon, of the sushi shop, looked upon the newcomer with wide-eyed curiosity. He had never seen someone from outside the village before, and like most of his species, he was a curious cat. He moved between the noodle stall and the sushi stall, and met his wife, who was holding a kitten. Un’yon said loudly, “Wife! Though you work at the noodle stand, and I at the sushi stand, our love transcends business! So does our kitten, who will pass on my bloodline to Yisu, a great descendant that will be in love with Mick, and will make a lot of money in the name of all nekoyami!” Not one of Yisu’s greatest moments as a playwright… or was it? Post 2: Once again, the spotlight nekoyami was on point in this play, and the light shone down upon the newcomer dressed in red and black. Ash’Lee finished her journey to the foot of the cutout mountain and Jade Palace. She stood looking up at the magnificent and glorious Imp’ress. “I am a wise traveler that speaks wisdom about business! The nekoyami are plentiful, and efficient workers! In order for our empire to prosper, we must tell business owners to use at least twelve nekoyami to work in each shop. Nekoyami cannot mingle between shops, or they will become distracted! Distracted Nekoyami will hurt themselves! And... They must work tirelessly night and day, or they will become sad! This will make our eco… nomy…” the Ash’Lee actor seemed to strain to say the word, “... strong. Our business will boom and expand our borders into the wilds!” The Imp’ress cat nodded solemnly… and then stuck her tongue out toward her cheek in concentration as she tried to maneuver a 180 to turn her back to pretend to leave, and not notice stuff. She wobbled, had a critical moment of almost falling, but finally recovered and turned around, pride shining from her face. Once the Imp’ress cat had turned, Ash’Lee laughed maniacally, unnoticed. Two Imperial Guard nekoyami, dressed in mock samurai armor were pulling Un’yon and his wife apart from one another. The two lovers desperately held each other’s paws before they were tragically ripped away. Un’yon was put in a group of four cats, and all four nekoyami were shoved into the stall to work the crowded sushi stand in a sushi sweatshop. The four of them all positioned themselves like they were in a can of sardines. The crack of a whip could be heard from behind the stage for special effect. The same happened to his wife and the noodle stand’s nekoyami. Finally, the same was repeated with the kimono stand. One of the guards suddenly spoke to the business owners, “By Imperial law, a great idea by Ash’Lee will be done! Such is the will of the Imp’ress! We must put all the nekoyami to work! Twelve nekoyami in each stall. More is coming!” Young Man Sushi looked to the other owners with concern painted on the actor’s face, but eventually, all three shrugged. A lone loud clapping from the audience could be heard. Young Man Sushi was giving such a beautiful performance, it made Old Man Sushi shed a single tear. He stood up, and gave a standing ovation for the nekoyami actor. The curtain came to a close, in preparation for the second act. Act 2 Narrator Post: The spotlight swung to Yisu, and she cleared her throat, looking longingly out toward the crowd, hoping Mick would miraculously show… to support her… to show his love in return. Eventually, she shook herself out of it and started reciting her second act introduction lines, “This went on for many years. The nekoyami were treated little better than slaves. The Imp’ress was kept in the dark, but the Empire prospered….We come to a time where the tension and weight of meanness went even beyond nekoyami tolerance…” Post 1: The curtain rose again revealing the three stalls that now took up most of the stage. There were twelve nekoyami in each stall, nekoyami that were dressed in rags and rubbed in dirt, downtrodden looks upon their faces. Un’yon, and his wife were in their stalls when Ash’Lee entered from the side with the two guards. She swaggered up to the noodle stall and started to push over Un’yon’s wife with her foot. Un’yon’s wife fell over in an over-dramatic style, yelling out, “I am worked to the bone! My little paws are worked to the point of my claws being little nubs! I can not go on… Ash’Lee is evil and abuses me, I am not long for this world.” The wife, who was a bad actress, and why her character wasn’t given a name, fell to the ground in an obviously fake death scene. Ash’Lee spoke with evil glee, “HA HA! My plan is working just as expected. We can use these animals as slave labor. HA HA HA!” Ash’Lee laughed like a madwoman, walking off with guards in tow. Un’yon had been restrained while seeing the whole thing. When the villain walked off he rushed to his wife, holding her as she went limp in his arms. Un’yon stood up as the other nekoyami took the wife away. “That was her last of nine lives, she is… gone. I will send my kitten away… and we will revolt!” The other nekoyami gathered around the Un’yon, “Until we get better safety regulations, and work conditions, we will serve uncooked noodles, and cooked fish in raw sushi! We will mend the kimonos with loose thread, and help the weavers weave not so well!” By now, Un’yon stood upon a large soap box, the other nekoyami nodding and murmuring agreement. “This has gone on too far! Follow me, my brothers and sisters! We will be slaves no more!” The rest of the nekoyami cheered as the spotlight nekoyami closed the hood, fading the scene. The actor nekoyami scrambled to get into the next position. Post 2: As the cats at the stalls settled into their new positions, the spotlight shone off to the side, where Ash’Lee and her two guards were talking… or rather Ash’Lee was ranting at them. “It has been twelve years of bad sushi! Who is this Un’Yon?! And why is there cooked fish in my sushi?! Why do my kimonos fall apart when I walk? Why are my noodles uncooked?!?! These nekoyami are incompetent and lazy! We will have to make an example of them. Come!” Ash’Lee, the evil cave-dwelling slumlord of the nekoyami led the guards to whip the nekoyami into shape. Young Man Sushi cat stood over a large group of slave nekoyami, Un’yon in the center sitting defiantly in a sit-down strike against the businesses and the laws. Young Man Sushi spoke, “You must work and do as the gov’rn’ment says or you won’t reincarnate when you die! It is a matter of national security! All the nekoyami will turn into scary blue oni, if they don’t work!” He cut off short as Ash’Lee approached and bowed, stepping off to the side. Un’yon stared defiantly at the evil Imperial Advisor as she spoke. “If Un’yon does not step forward by the end of sundown, in one hour, all nekoyami will be thrown into the Mist Wall, never to work again!” The spotlight lantern shut off, and the curtain came down. Just as it was almost closed, the spotlight came crashing down to the stage below. Several nekoyami yowled and jumped away. Thankfully, Yisu could still claim, no nekoyami were hurt in the production of this play. Act 3 Narrator Post: Welp… the spotlight lantern, nor the nekoyami that was holding it, were coming back. He was sooo getting fired after the play. Yisu cleared her throat, smoothing the annoyed look on her face, replacing it with a bright smile before starting her intro into the third and final act. She had hoped that they would get through at least one play without some kind of accident. She cleared her throat a second time and went into her oration, “And thus the stage was set for the final showdown, dusk came and went, the time was at hand. Nighttime was when cave dwellers were strongest, and this was no different for Ash’Lee. The evil Imperial Advisor approaches, to make good on her dark promise. She approaches with evil intent in her eyes, but Un’yon and his resistance fighters are there to defy her! Stay tuned for the play’s exciting conclusion!” Yisu sighed, and then turned to the curtain, waiting awkwardly for it to lift, and for Act 3 to start. Post 1: The dastardly evil Ash’Lee, Imperial Advisor that spoke honey to the Imp’ress, and reason to business owners across the Empire, came walking onto the stage with the bearing of great importance. She was accompanied by her usual two guards and she pointed to the slaves, who were gathered in a group, “It is sundown! Give us Un’yon, they are to be arrested for treason! Such is the will of the Imp’ress!” The slave nekoyami yelled back rebelliously, shaking their fists. Two slave cats jumped into the air, rigged by rope on the rickety rails of the stage, they struck kung-fu poses. The guards did the same, though one’s rigging caused them to spin endlessly in a flying kick pose. After several moments of chaotic swinging, the slaves all laid down, the guards given mercy by those pulling the rigging ropes, were let down as well. The guards rushed to stand menacingly over the slave nekoyami. The evil leader spoke, “HA HA HA! As always, I, Ash’Lee the Great, won! I always win! YAY ME!” Ash’Lee started dancing with glee in the middle of the stage. “Now…who is Un’yon?! Will the real Un’yon, please stand up… please stand up? Tell me, or all of you will be thrown into the Mist Wall!” Several moments of tense anticipation passed, Un’yon looked like he was going to stand up, to save his people, when a nekoyami stood up near the edge. “I am Un’yon!” The actual Un’yon blinked away tears of freedom and pride. Another nekoyami slave stood up, “I am Un’yon too!” More and more of them stood up saying “I am Un’yon!” Even the ones that were defeated in the fight popped up to say they were Un’yon, caught up in the excitement of it, before they were told to lay back down by their fellow actors. The real Un’yon finally stood up and walked forward, “I am Un’yon, and we WILL have more safe and proper work conditions!” The slave nekoyami cheered! Post 2: (FINAL POST) Ash’Lee and their guard moved to take all the nekoyami into custody, rushing forward. A loud gong clashed in the background, stopping all nekoyami on stage in their tracks. Another loud ring from the gong echoed through the air, and then a final third clash, announcing to all… the Imp’ress finally arrived. This is where a spotlight hooded lantern would have come in handy for dramatic effect. The Imp’ress cat, once again, stuck her tongue out of the side of her mouth as she focused on not falling as she turned back around. This took several long moments of shuffle, shift, shuffle, shift. When she was finally turned, a bit of sweat matted her fur from the effort. Breathless, she spoke,”I am…” She paused holding up one finger to take a few more moments to catch her breath, “I am Tsuiteru! Imp’ress to the Jade Lotus Empire and beloved of all Nekoyami! In my great magical wisdom and good luck belly… I have determined that these new business laws are nothing more than an evil plan for cave dwellers to try to take over my Empire! It is a good thing I have the loyal nekoyami to stand true and strong for me. Ash’Lee, of the vile cave dwelling people of my Empire. You are hereby dishonored! Your cows, your caves, and your family are all dishonored.” Ash’Lee yelled out in terror as she appeared to start to melt, “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo, my plans almost worked, if it weren’t for you nekoyami and your little Un’yon too!” Ash’Lee the Vile crumpled within her red and black robes and appeared to be nothing more than a pile of clothes. The guards, who were kneeling beside Ash’Lee, looked to one another, and started to kick at the clothes to show their loyalty to the Empire. The Imp’ress had a look of satisfaction on her face, and then pointed to Un’yon! “YOU!” She boomed, pointing to Un’yon. Un’yon stood from his kneeling and bowing position. “Your actions have proven honorable. From this day forth, no other nekoyami may have five letters in their name, to honor your actions. From this day forward, nekoyami will be unyon-ized, with better safety regulations, and proper work conditions! To seal the deal, and make sure it all happens, I declare Un’yon, Fortune of Nekoyami, Kabuki Theatre, Safety Regulations, and Proper Work Conditions! All worship and venerate the new Fortune!” All the nekoyami cheered, Un’yon was lifted from the stage, by rigging, to ascend into the heavens. All was right in the realm, and the Empire prospered. THE END In the chaos of the nefarious and vile raid set upon our glorious Empire, one of our beloved Nekoyami was SNATCHED against her will and stolen to the dark depths of the Caballa. I am writing this report on behalf of the poor Nekoyami's family. Pako is the oldest daughter of Yan and Zizi, and was the main caretaker of the Home for Displaced Nekoyami of the First Helheim Invasion. She is well known in the Nekoyami community for being kind, generous, and hard-working. Her family wishes to put these messages out in hopes that the person responsible for Pako's disappearance will send their beloved daughter home. ![]() Zizi: "I just want my girl to come home. She is my first-born kitten. Yan and I tried for so long, but we had to be so careful because.. you know... how much our shops hate each other...but when Pako was born, that just didn't matter anymore...she's a good cat...too gentle for life in those caves.." ![]() Yan: "Nekoyami Island just isn't the same without Pako. She's such a sweet, loving soul...she...doesn't deserve a life of terror in those caverns...where they eat Nekoyami... please don't eat my daughter....." ![]() Sisu: "Pako and I ...were gonna get married. We..were gonna have kittens...start a family...together..I had a ring and everything! I was going to propose at the next Kabuki-Cats Play..." Other Nekoyami have reached out to me, wanting to add their messages about Pako.
The Nekoyami are planning to hold a candle-light vigil on Nekoyami Island tomorrow night in honor of their lost friend and family member. We hope...this message reaches the eyes of whoever has taken Pako, and after reading...will give them a change of heart. Bring Pako Home! Sincadere Summer 08/08/2022
Oh dear reader, what delicious news I have for your on this day. The kind of tidings that would make you sharpen your claws and polish those nasty fangs. For you see, not a week ago a foolish troupe of the Jade Lotus Empire’s finest, yet apparently brain death, brawlers came into the caves to spew their poisonous words. Self-proclaim champions of light, seeking to make a name for themselves. A name that will come forth to claw them in the ass. When words fell short, this bold company dared to capture our very own and attempted to cleanse them, to make them bend a knee and submit to those cowards that dwell high in the sky. Such boldness, such bravado, clearly is not the act of a lone rouge group. No, my dear deviants, this was a sanctioned enterprise. For all we know it was blessed by the emperor himself. Seems the zapping eel that claims rule on the sky had forgotten the time when he crept around the caves; but worry not, if he had forgotten it, it is our duty to humble him. So rise strong and wild, be that dragons, beasts, devils, demons or else; it matters not, the Archon calls into arms, the Cabbala needs your might. It was not us who took the first bite, but by Darkness and Night we will be the ones that tear them apart. But not all is bloodshed, ash, and dust, my good readers, as you know the Cabbala Chronicle takes pride to spread only the truth, and the truth alone, we are your unbiased, incorruptible source of information, your voice! Sort to speak, don’t get any funny ideas. It is no surprise that we now receive ravens from the furthest corners of Sincadere. Such an enlightening correspondence, filled with reports that are too succulent to be phony or false. Accounts that we now place on our brand-new segment: Rumors Bloody Rumors. Never say love is unbecoming of our dark caves. In a note hastily written by someone called “Dark and Fiery” we have received confirmation of an event that took its bloody time to unravel. Our dear elder, Eclipse, the White Hound, has finally been mated on a ceremony filled with blood, passion, and lust. A rocky road that begun with a threat, concludes it’s chapter with loud moans. Not bad for the curvaceous granny. May her mate, a braggart by the name of Runeh, keep her filled to the brim at night. Ah! Love, what a subject to dissect and study. Apparently, it spreads like a disease. Speaking of ailments, the king of Hellheim has been missing for some time, his court has been running around like headless chickens trying to manage the kingdom. Where oh where could King Tyr be?. Well a bard that boast the title of “The Great” wrote to us. Apparently, the heart of King Tyr is being stolen by no other than the Archon of the caves, they had been seen wooing and exchanging quite personal gifts. Perhaps he had eloped to strengthen his pure blood line with the worthy faun. Oh! Rejoice Basilica! For through the next King of Hellheim’s veins may run pure Cabbalan blood no less. Before I let you go, I would like to thank on behalf of our multiple and literate staff to the brand-new Slumlord, and her idea of placing some adds here and there. Our humble newspaper could not survive without the coin soon to be provided by her pouch, many thanks to her trust, and hope she does not catch in flames once our bill is promptly delivered. Cabbala Chronicles Adverts
And as always, dear reader, sleep with one eye open. - R. Hangfire Welcome to today's Bounty Broadsheet. Here's how this works.
Lord Ralathos Gilderman, ((ralath.resident)) Perhaps our biggest bounty yet; Lord Ralathos Gilderman is no stranger to the board. He is the leader of the Basilica and a multiple-time winner of the Dawn Champion title. He often has a group of body guards. Lord Ralathos Gilderman is wanted alive and unharmed. Hence the high price! Reward is 10s.
Asteri, ((axonn377.resident)). The Town Himbo himself. A member of the Basilica as well as the Helheim guard. Caution should be taken as he is a proven fighter. Wanted alive, and not done irreparable damage. Reward is 1s. Daelan Calion, ((aternity.resident)). Wanted for skipping out on a bar tab with an unknown individual. Reward is 2s. Solene Barashta, ((barashtasolene)). Wanted by reason of abandonment of the Guard. Individual may be disguised. Caution advised. Dead or Alive. Reward is 1s 50c. Sylvan, ((Sylvanriver)) (Image pending). Wanted for treason and abandonment of the Guard. Has been seen transforming into a dragon. Had connections to the Goldbloods. Caution advised. Dead or Alive. Reward is 1s 50c. Interested in having someone captured? Place a Bounty yourself!
It has been another busy week around the Empire. Here are some highlights to help you stay up to date on the happenings within the Jade Lotus and news that affects us all. As always, should you have questions about the information provided through the Imperial Herald, reach out to the members of the Imperial Court to get further details.
Lots Going on and to respond to! Here are some upcoming things to look out for:
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