As reported by GGN Goblin Gossip Network. The Multifarious Monthly Review makes no claims that the Goblin GOSSIP Network is a reliable news source. Articles are posted with minor edits for spelling and grammar but not reviewed for content. The Multifarious Monthly Review does not accept any financial burden that results in the GGN's reporting practices. It is with a heavy heart that we announce the passing of Snetcharella, one of the line of Snetch-Goblins known for their journalistic integrity and dedication to the truth. Taking her place is Snetchatron, who will be reporting on the recent Bards vs Bands event where once again Goblins displayed that we know wot's wot when it comes to the fine arts. . . . Snetcharella looked behind her for the fourth time since arriving for the interview. She wasn't nervous about being in the Cabbala particularly but the LAST interview she'd tried to do she'd been basically shanked by an overzealous fan of the Meatbeatles. She would not let her guard down again.
"Thank you for meeting with me, Mz Locks, I'm excited to report on your resounding defeat at the Bards vs Bands event against Sincadere's beloved 'boy band' the Meatbeatles. I assure you that this interview will be entirely unbiased, the Goblin Gossip Network is all about hard hitting journalism." She paused, adjusting her hair and confirming with a glance that her assistant was paying attention before turning back to Ashley and starting the interview. "So... which is your favourite Meatbeatles song?" Clears her throat has she spots the two goblins approaching up to her while she was having an ale in the bound elf. Looking up reminiscent to the stage there was a certain high that's hard to obtain off of it. Looking down to snetcharella she was a great actor and was totally just going to along with it. The bard looking has if she if trying to fight a back a tear but one drops down into her ale. "Well...." she sucked in a deep breathe tuning over to look at her "It wasn't until the next night after that I find myself laying in my bed late at night, trying to sleep. Tossing and turning without a true moments rest when I finally slip into a dream it becomes a nightmare. Has the near naked Mick dagger appears screaming COME ON SNAGA LETS GO GAGA! Then I wake up! In a cold sweat thinking I'm safe and back to reality, until I look over to the window. Spotting a bird with the head of Mick Dagger tapping its beak against the glass repeating in a mocking manner "No Refunds, No Refunds," Then it hits me! Another tragedy of the night neither of us thought to charge the audience a cover charge! We both could of cleaned up nicely even at one copper a head. Snetcharella was pulled in by Ashley's gripping tale and then tsk-tsk'd at the news that neither had thought to charge a cover. "That is tragic, indeed... speaking of nightmares... how are you faring after having your ass handed to you by four goblins?" This was the hard hitting journalism the readers of the GGN really wanted. At least that's what Snetcharella's assistant thought, and recorded for posterity. "Pay attention," Snetcharella hissed at her assistant before turning back to Ashley. "Is it true that you pursued Mick Dagger?" she let that hang in the air a moment, hopefully leading Ashley to think of the day she tracked Mick down for his Bounty, before she added quickly, "and now you'll be bearing his love child?" Paused has she listened to the first set of questions. She stifled a giggle after the second round of questions happened. Clearing her throat and regaining her composure, starting from the top. " Well, the thing about goblins while one is easy to punt. When you walk into a cage full of them they are ferocious little fucks. While your trying to kick one, the other trying to punch you in the cunt." The bard chuckled not too phased by it. "What was really disorienting about the experience, they continued to sing in perfect sync. Even when Mick had his teeth in my neck. Getting my ass kicked isn't new though, its a hazard of being a bard. That's also why I hired the horde, which they failed to protect me. They still managed to clean the tusks out of their without issue." Twisting her lips and drinking down the rest of her ale. "Yes." The bard just let that hang in the air. It may not of been true but it was sure going to be entertaining. "It all started the night after the competition. Seeing the heart of a true performer, mixed with the guile of skilled grifter. I knew I just had to have him. I left my apartment in helheim and snuck through the night to the tusks camp. It was rather easy sneaking past the guards. I threw some chickens infront of them and let their natural desires do the rest. Then afterwards I crept through the grotto and to where Mick slept. It was such a cute endearing sight he had big bag of coins. That Mick put a dress on it and called it Yisu has he slept. At the bottom of the bag there was a peculiar hole labeled -deposits-. It took a slightly disturbing turn. But such a welcomed development for my goal. I casted a charm on him, which is easier on the sleeping. Has I saw the green bean gain a slightly rigged stiffness. I pilfered the bag of coin and laid next to him. It wasn't long till his urges and desires for Yisu led him...to well you know. The disappointing thing I didn't feel a thing. After he finished ... within seconds. I left the camps, I imagine it'll be just under few months. I bring Micassley Dagger into the world to perform and steal. We'll make all the gold in the land. I will also constantly taunt yisu I conceived Micks child before her." The bard tone grew more serious and leaning forward. "It's also with this announcement, an exclusive update. I hear by challenge the Kabuki Cat Troop to perform against me. This time the battle will be done in the form of a short play." Snetcharella stared on, once backhanding her assistant in the thigh to make sure she got every gorey detail. "Mickastly Dagger? solid name," she murmured more to herself. Honestly, she was stumped. How did one take this a notch higher? Had Ashley outdone her in the drama department? No doubt Snetcharella could FEEL her assistant plotting to take over the journalist spot... just one more fuck up and the role was h- "Hsst," Snetcharella's hiss got the assistant's attention once more. As the goblin reporter turned back to Ashley, she casually adjusted her hair like she wasn't freaking out on the inside. Then Ashley dropped the bomb about the Kabuki Cat Troupe and Snetcharella choked on her own tongue. She turned purple in the face, whether from lack of air or from outright indignation, either way it wasn't looking good for the goblin. The bard watched with a sick grin on her face. Her stories and the breaking news must being too much for the goblin reporter. Has she watched them turning purple in the face. The bard casually grabbed her flintlock from underneath her cape. Aiming it towards Snatcharella's head and pulling the trigger. Blowing off the top off of her head off before she could kill herself. Turning to look over to the goblin assistant. "Looks like you got your promotion! Such a wonderful break and now go finish publishing the article. Tell Mick I also am expecting him to pay me for our child." The bard using her cape to wipe the goblin blood and brains off her face. It was Nekoyami Appreciation Day this past Sunday! A time for the Empire to give back to their faithful, hardworking, and ever cheerful feline citizens. If not for their diligence and dedication to all the work they do around the Empire, we would not be the thriving and lively society we are today. Arianrhod, the Brewer Bunny, of Moonsong Brewery welcomed the many, many felines of the Empire, Nekoyami and otherwise, to the brewery on the special day for a very special taste testing of their new Mouser's Matcha Brew.
According to the gossip from the Nekoyami, this brew was ...fantastic, with traces of catnip. There was a massive turnout of Nekoyami to the brewery, including.. and again.. this is by report of the cats, the BUFFEST Nekoyami ever to be seen. A drawing of him in the throng of cats has been included in the report, and I must say...this is the largest Nekoyami ever seen. Chaos ensued when someone tossed a ball of yarn into the crowd, and supposedly...the cats went wild. There was rumor of one cat trying to arrange a.. panty raid? I..for one.. am glad to see that the Nekoyami had a fun filled day of booze, catnip, and celebration. In other news, in further appreciation for their hard work, the Nekoyami have been sent on vacation! After delivering a letter of reparations and supplies to Duchess Buulzibael for damages to a bridge in Helheim, the Nekoyami were released to vacation in the city. I have heard they are having the time of their little nine lives around the city -- exploring, playing, and doing what Nekoyami do best -- work, work, work. Welcome to today's Bounty Broadsheet. Here's how this works.
Blackfire, ((shasta.silverfall)) Armed and dangerous. Wanted alive for crimes against Helheim and the Basilica. Often spotted in the JLE. The reward is 5s. Daelan Calion, ((aternity.resident)). Wanted for skipping out on a bar tab with an unknown individual. The reward is 2s. Interested in having someone captured? Place a Bounty yourself!
Gentle reader,
The days grow longer and the nights warmer and yet I find that the activity of the realm wanes as though the heat of the summer saps the very strength from our marrow. It has been over a year since I began the endeavor of editing this fine publication and yet I still struggle to find a worthy soul to take on the responsibility and, dare I say, power, of managing the Helheim Herald! Allow me to elucidate for you what such a project entails. As a junior editor of my beloved Review you are responsible for providing content once or twice a month for the enjoyment of the realm. You may do this by putting pen to paper yourself or by hiring others to do so. Perhaps your writers focus on a particular topic... News of the realm, Sports (such as Jousting or Beetle Racing), 'Advice' of some kind. But it is you, the editor, who decides what is published and what is rejected. ((The only other "job" is verifying that consent has been obtained from anyone whose character is mentioned in the article. You then forward the article to Lossehellin to be posted on the Review)). Should anyone wish to publish without officially signing on as a writer in your employ... that, again, falls under your purview. So it seems to me that there is a great deal of power for very little effort. I have also heard from quite reliable sources that King Tyr of Helheim has portioned an amount from the royal coffers to pay said editor... though details of that pay have so far been elusive to this editor. Gentle reader, do you seek power, fortune and perhaps even fame? Then reach out to me and make yourself known! ((Contact Lossehellin in SL or on Discord)) M. Noteworthy Sincadere Summer 27/06/2022 It has been a while. Has it not, my dear readers? I bet you thought you could finally rest and sleep under a myriad of colorful dreams. Think again. While you wrap on your blankets and enjoyed your soft beddings, the ever-watchful eye of the Cabbala has been standing on that dark corner, always vigilant, with its tendrils softly brushing your hairs. Yet silence must be finally broken, for on this past month culture has been oozing from the caves as pus from a festered wound, and what better way to do so that with joyous fanfare. If you did not heard the lutes and drums, you truly are deaf and deserve to be thoroughly chained and spanked. You see dear reader, the Bound Elf Tavern became the center of a most magnificent event, a true duel of wits, good taste, and craft. The grand battle of Bards Vs Bands, a musical concert with a healthy dose of stabs. The stage set. A most magnificent cage, where our bard Ashley the Great stood lute in hand to face the most vile of challengers the surface could muster, The Meatbeatles. The proud minstrel of the caves used her most creative arsenal, such finely crafted repertoire, singing notes to the Gorgon and asking the audience if they like her not. The Meatbeatles were no match for her notes. Ashley's elegant, yet toneless voice not only destroyed most of the attendance eardrums, her refined ballads also outdid the goblin performance. It was only when the goblin lead known as Mick chose violence over melody that the show truly reach it's peak. For what is culture if not inflamed passions that lead to shady knife dance. Speaking of high art, passions, and dexterity with sharp objects. It is to be noted that our Warden hosted the very first sculpture contest in Sincadere. An event that let our claws and minds run wild as the contestants carved their will on wood, clay, flesh, bone, and stone alike. A most marvelous exhibit of visual art displayed for anyone with the gift of sight. After careful deliberation and a good measure of lewd judgment our Warden made her pick. It was Agnes sculpture: "The Prophesized Demise of Tyr: Crotchfruint of Halthor", the one that will steal her heart, and of course made us all gasp in delight. Carefully crafted by the claws of the merfolk, its seductive shape, displaying the most rigid frame and sharp edges, would entice anyone to try and touch it. But beware, for as with many things crafted by sirens and merfolk, true beauty usually forebode death and demise.
Art takes many forms dear reader and all are welcome in the caves, know that it is in the Cabbala were passions are foster with extreme care. So, sleep tight tonight, drink a night cap, and wrap yourself on fluffy blankets. From that dark corner we will watch your sleep, planning to use your silken skin as canvas on another night. Sweet nightmares, and as always, sleep with one eye open. R. Hangfire Aura-Rah, Paragon of the Jade Lotus, and Daimyo of the Jade Research Commission, calls on all able bodied adventures to the Research Commission's expedition camp set up on the outskirts of the crater beneath the floating islands of the Jade Lotus Empire. You can start your expedition by picking up a report from the meeting table in the center of the camp.
Report: “Kaiju sightings have occurred in the immediate area. The sightings have occurred directly south of this location within the crater by a nekoyami claiming to be the king of the rock? Directly north scouts resting at the camp reported odd happenings at the nearby river. Lastly to the west again there were reports of scouts noting odd movement along the river. Please investigate each of these leads, it is recommended to do so in squads of two or three. If contact is made with the creature your first priority is to document behavior and it’s affect on the land. Engage with extreme caution as the prior documented Kaiju is extremely dangerous and volatile, prolonged exposure to the beasts vicinity has also cause severe illness, nausea, and fatigue over the course of a few days. Documentation and retreat heavily advised until further documentation can occur. Be aware the area is somewhat patrolled by orcish hunting parties. It is not out of the ordinary for these parties to be hostile. Good luck and report back your findings to the Paragon or Owslathaf.” --Signed, Aurah-Rah, Paragon, Jade Research Commission It is suggested and highly encouraged that you do not attempt to investigate these Kaiju sightings alone, as they are extremely dangerous and hostile creatures. Bring all documented information of your expedition to the Jade Research Commission. Good luck! Welcome to today's Bounty Broadsheet. Here's how this works.
Countess Tamina Aurora, ((Sarraah Epin)) This is a high risk target. Contract specifies "roughing her up". The reward is 60c.
Hatano Katsumi, ((amiru.verne)). Extreme caution advised. Do not trust the belly fluff, it's a trap. The reward is 5s. Announcements from the Imperial Court
The Emperor hosted a session of court recently, in which all citizens of the Empire were invited along with foreign guests. This is what our esteemed Emperor had to announce: "My loyal subjects...a month ago, I sat here, and spoke to you of the Cabbala threat. How they framed Helheim with the blowing up of our beloved bridge, and how they tried to frame us with the blowing up of Helheim's guard tower. These VILE demons have taken it a step further! They attack our families! They attack our merchants! I have personally visited a citizen, a dear friend of mine, who even now lays bed ridden, who was attacked by their vile dogs while out in the forest. I put out a call to arms to all citizens. If you have the will to fight, join the Imperial Army, so that we may show our strength and the honor of those that serve. The time comes soon, when we will make those under dwellers pay. Outside the threat of chaos threatening our way of life....and despite it, our Empire thrives and grows, as it has always done. I have walked the breath of the capitol, and I've noted each and every one of you have served it with honor and pride. I now leave over to my Imperial Court for their announcements, and then we will receive petitions from citizens and visiting dignitaries." The Emperor has put out a call for all citizens to stand strong against the threat of our oldest enemy, the Cabbala. If you have the courage to face these vile foes, then seek out Commander Kaito to join the Imperial Army. From Aura-Rah, Daimyo of the Jade Research Commission: "Very well said if I do say so myself. These monsters have festered in their caves for far too long but I am sure the emperor has more to say on that in a moment. As for myself, the Jade Research Commission is currently looking into the ongoing Kaiju situation. I know a few of you may have had a few run-ins with them recently. Reports of a previous undocumented one have come in from the area around the crater. The Commission will be launching an expedition to document and hunt the new arrival before following it into the mysterious structure located beneath the crater in.. About a week. Please if you are able bodied and available any assistance into this growing threat will be most appreciated. Simply seek me out for admittance into the Commission." The Kaiju are a threat from the Empire’s ancient past, during the time of Tsuiteru’s reign when the Empire was still hidden from the rest of Sincadere behind its fabled Mist Wall. If you have the courage to delve into the secrets of our past, seek out Aura-Rah in the Jade Research Commission. From Shiroi Tatsu, Daimyo of the Three Pillars Temple: "... The Three Pillars addresses all mages within and without the Empire. As always, our doors remain open to all who feel the call of magic, of the Kami and Yokai. All who seek to delve into knowledge are welcome among our ranks. And now more so than ever. We must always look forward to tomorrow, and we cannot do so without your aid. Among which, the Pillars would like to announce that we have begun more intensive research on more effectively combating the corruption inhabiting the Yokai forest, and purifying those afflicted. As such, all interested in joining the Three Pillars are requested to come speak with me at their earliest convenience." The Yokai Forest that lurks on the darkened island beneath our beloved homes is a new mystery to solve. If you are curious about it or interested in researching non-corruptive magic … then speak to Shiroi Tatsu in the Three Pillars Temple. Other incidents of note from the court was the acceptance of gifts from Leela Spurius-Ryder, Princess of Helheim, and the elven woman, Drahx, leader of the Order of Elenion. Calimaelen, elven healer and citizen of the Empire was relieved of his travel restrictions with a warning not to involve the Empire in future infractions with his partner. And last, but not least… our final noteworthy event from court was the promotion of Torashi Hashimoto. Torashi has served in the Imperial Army with distinction and was instrumental in the rescue of the royal children of the Emperor from the vile clutches of the Cabbala. For his honor and service, he has risen within the Celestial Order to the rank of Samurai (minor noble). Congratulations are in order and buy this new Samurai a drink! The Shibari Showdown The Floating Lotus Okiya hosted its FIRST of a monthly event to showcase the artistic and sensual nature of shibari. It was a night of beauty, sensuality, and rope-bound flesh. Citizens of the Empire and foreigners alike were in attendance to display themselves or enjoy the sights of the evening. Tsuiteru TenTen, Baroness of House Ryu in Helheim was declared the winner. The next showdown is scheduled to take place on July 8th at 11am (SLT). More Slime Crime: A brief update about these slimes that continue to create messy chaos in our peaceful home. The pair of slimes, Kerym (blue) and Kerim (pink) managed to slip out of the Three Pillars Temple and went on a rampage within the Floating Lotus Okiya and the hot springs outside. Thankfully, no one was reported to have received any major injuries during the encounter, and both of the troublesome slimes managed to be subdued. This is also a public service announcement to remind citizens to make sure you tightly seal all containers, especially sake. Business Updates This is a reminder that in order to be considered an official and legal business of the Empire, you must get your business license from the Imperial Herald. Businesses that fail to obtain and maintain a current license risk being fined and will NOT be featured in any business promotions through the Imperial Office or the Imperial Herald Updates.
The following stalls are open for Management
There are currently TWO open buildings for citizens interested in starting their own business, and TWO market stalls available for anyone. |
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