As reported by GGN Goblin Gossip Network. The Multifarious Monthly Review makes no claims that the Goblin GOSSIP Network is a reliable news source. Articles are posted with minor edits for spelling and grammar but not reviewed for content. The Multifarious Monthly Review does not accept any financial burden that results in the GGN's reporting practices. It is with a heavy heart that we announce the passing of Snetcharella, one of the line of Snetch-Goblins known for their journalistic integrity and dedication to the truth. Taking her place is Snetchatron, who will be reporting on the recent Bards vs Bands event where once again Goblins displayed that we know wot's wot when it comes to the fine arts. . . . Snetcharella looked behind her for the fourth time since arriving for the interview. She wasn't nervous about being in the Cabbala particularly but the LAST interview she'd tried to do she'd been basically shanked by an overzealous fan of the Meatbeatles. She would not let her guard down again.
"Thank you for meeting with me, Mz Locks, I'm excited to report on your resounding defeat at the Bards vs Bands event against Sincadere's beloved 'boy band' the Meatbeatles. I assure you that this interview will be entirely unbiased, the Goblin Gossip Network is all about hard hitting journalism." She paused, adjusting her hair and confirming with a glance that her assistant was paying attention before turning back to Ashley and starting the interview. "So... which is your favourite Meatbeatles song?" Clears her throat has she spots the two goblins approaching up to her while she was having an ale in the bound elf. Looking up reminiscent to the stage there was a certain high that's hard to obtain off of it. Looking down to snetcharella she was a great actor and was totally just going to along with it. The bard looking has if she if trying to fight a back a tear but one drops down into her ale. "Well...." she sucked in a deep breathe tuning over to look at her "It wasn't until the next night after that I find myself laying in my bed late at night, trying to sleep. Tossing and turning without a true moments rest when I finally slip into a dream it becomes a nightmare. Has the near naked Mick dagger appears screaming COME ON SNAGA LETS GO GAGA! Then I wake up! In a cold sweat thinking I'm safe and back to reality, until I look over to the window. Spotting a bird with the head of Mick Dagger tapping its beak against the glass repeating in a mocking manner "No Refunds, No Refunds," Then it hits me! Another tragedy of the night neither of us thought to charge the audience a cover charge! We both could of cleaned up nicely even at one copper a head. Snetcharella was pulled in by Ashley's gripping tale and then tsk-tsk'd at the news that neither had thought to charge a cover. "That is tragic, indeed... speaking of nightmares... how are you faring after having your ass handed to you by four goblins?" This was the hard hitting journalism the readers of the GGN really wanted. At least that's what Snetcharella's assistant thought, and recorded for posterity. "Pay attention," Snetcharella hissed at her assistant before turning back to Ashley. "Is it true that you pursued Mick Dagger?" she let that hang in the air a moment, hopefully leading Ashley to think of the day she tracked Mick down for his Bounty, before she added quickly, "and now you'll be bearing his love child?" Paused has she listened to the first set of questions. She stifled a giggle after the second round of questions happened. Clearing her throat and regaining her composure, starting from the top. " Well, the thing about goblins while one is easy to punt. When you walk into a cage full of them they are ferocious little fucks. While your trying to kick one, the other trying to punch you in the cunt." The bard chuckled not too phased by it. "What was really disorienting about the experience, they continued to sing in perfect sync. Even when Mick had his teeth in my neck. Getting my ass kicked isn't new though, its a hazard of being a bard. That's also why I hired the horde, which they failed to protect me. They still managed to clean the tusks out of their without issue." Twisting her lips and drinking down the rest of her ale. "Yes." The bard just let that hang in the air. It may not of been true but it was sure going to be entertaining. "It all started the night after the competition. Seeing the heart of a true performer, mixed with the guile of skilled grifter. I knew I just had to have him. I left my apartment in helheim and snuck through the night to the tusks camp. It was rather easy sneaking past the guards. I threw some chickens infront of them and let their natural desires do the rest. Then afterwards I crept through the grotto and to where Mick slept. It was such a cute endearing sight he had big bag of coins. That Mick put a dress on it and called it Yisu has he slept. At the bottom of the bag there was a peculiar hole labeled -deposits-. It took a slightly disturbing turn. But such a welcomed development for my goal. I casted a charm on him, which is easier on the sleeping. Has I saw the green bean gain a slightly rigged stiffness. I pilfered the bag of coin and laid next to him. It wasn't long till his urges and desires for Yisu led him...to well you know. The disappointing thing I didn't feel a thing. After he finished ... within seconds. I left the camps, I imagine it'll be just under few months. I bring Micassley Dagger into the world to perform and steal. We'll make all the gold in the land. I will also constantly taunt yisu I conceived Micks child before her." The bard tone grew more serious and leaning forward. "It's also with this announcement, an exclusive update. I hear by challenge the Kabuki Cat Troop to perform against me. This time the battle will be done in the form of a short play." Snetcharella stared on, once backhanding her assistant in the thigh to make sure she got every gorey detail. "Mickastly Dagger? solid name," she murmured more to herself. Honestly, she was stumped. How did one take this a notch higher? Had Ashley outdone her in the drama department? No doubt Snetcharella could FEEL her assistant plotting to take over the journalist spot... just one more fuck up and the role was h- "Hsst," Snetcharella's hiss got the assistant's attention once more. As the goblin reporter turned back to Ashley, she casually adjusted her hair like she wasn't freaking out on the inside. Then Ashley dropped the bomb about the Kabuki Cat Troupe and Snetcharella choked on her own tongue. She turned purple in the face, whether from lack of air or from outright indignation, either way it wasn't looking good for the goblin. The bard watched with a sick grin on her face. Her stories and the breaking news must being too much for the goblin reporter. Has she watched them turning purple in the face. The bard casually grabbed her flintlock from underneath her cape. Aiming it towards Snatcharella's head and pulling the trigger. Blowing off the top off of her head off before she could kill herself. Turning to look over to the goblin assistant. "Looks like you got your promotion! Such a wonderful break and now go finish publishing the article. Tell Mick I also am expecting him to pay me for our child." The bard using her cape to wipe the goblin blood and brains off her face. Comments are closed.
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