★★★★Tale of the Floating Orc Lotus Blossom★★★★
Performed at the Jade Lotus Theater Cast: Rukbah - Orc-Cat Accotza - Lizard-Cat Sylvise - Noodle-Cat Dyskord - Blue Horny Half-Oni - Cat Ksenia - Vampiress - Cat Alaric -- Black Oni with Two Wings (demon) - Cat Imp-ress - Hero of the Story Yisu coughed to clear her throat. "Behold...the Tale of the Floating Orc Lotus Blossom. Our cast tonight is Rubkbah, the Orc-Cat" She waved a tiny paw to the Nekoyami dressed in green, black, and wearing a fearsome orc mask. "Accotza, the Lizard-Cat..." Again Yisu waved to another cat, this one with a massive lizard head over his own, eyes blinking out of sync. "...and Sylvise, the Noodle-Cat..." This lady Nekoyami was dressed in white, with a noodly tail and antlers. "Ksenia, the Vampire-Cat.." Oh this poor cat had a creepy vampire mask. "...and Alaric, the demon-cat" Which was the black cat with black wings and a demon mask. All of the cats waved their paws....ready to begin and scurried off to take their starting places! 1. Intro A handful of Nekoyami were tuning their instruments. They were set off to the side of the stage. Another handful was placing props on the stage. The scene appeared to be a more simplified representation of the Floating Lotus sake house. A few barrels, some cushioned tables, and panels painted to look like the rock cavern walls of the hot springs. Nothing was more evident than a very simple drawing of the Floating Lotus sign that was placed at the entrance of the stage, with a large kanji for 'SAKE!' placed all around the flower. There was even a small wooden tub, with the kanji for 'hot springs' labeled on it, placed off to the side. Once the preparations were complete, the Nekoyami, who were preparing the stage, all but vanished. Moments later, five Nekoyami made their way to the stage. Two stood on either side of the stage entrance, they were wearing servant's garbs, and held up signs with the kanji for 'Quiet' on them, and showed the signs to the crowd. The other three took up their positions around a large drinking table on one side of it. One looked to be painted blue with a paper-mache wing on his back. He had a small oni mask over his face, grotesque and evil looking. Two female Nekoyami sat to either side of him. One had paper-mache gremlin ears and a clothe...what looked to appear like a dragon's tail. She was wearing a red dress. The last had a white eye mask, sinister in appearance with narrow slits for eyes, and two tiny little fangs, which peaked out from her mouth. The three sat and pretended to have a silent conversation. One of the servant Nekoyami came up to their table with three sake glasses. As one, all three yelled 'Oppai!', instead of the traditional 'Kanpai!'. The Noodle Nekoyami of the three blushed, one of her overly large breast gourds falling lopsided in response. 2. Act 1 Part 1 Gourd boob corrected, all three drank happily. Once thirst sated, they mimicked conversation again. This time the blue oni cat was boldly staring at the noodle cat's now fixed boob. She seemed to ignore his attention looking hungrily at the wooden bath labled 'hot springs'. All the while, the vampire kitty too was staring at the noodle cat's boobs, and she made biting motions with her mouth. This too went unobserved. While the three played out their parts at the table, two more Nekoyami made their way from the crowd. One was painted green, and was on what appeared to be small stilts to make him bigger than the other Nekoyami. The other continually flicked his tongue out like a snake, and had a clothe tail as well, this one not as fancy as the noodle cat's. They made their way to the isle, and then up the steps to the stage. One final Nekoyami stood up on a dais, just off to the side of the stage. It had tiny spectacles, and it rolled out a scroll. Soft light music started playing with the band. She cleared her throat and spoke in a clear voice, "This bright and sunny day, blessed by she who sits on the High Seat of Heaven, the Empress, was a day like any other. Our village was quiet, and the blessings of the kami were upon us. But who do we spy? Two sinister men, making their way to the sake house. But who will feel retribution this day? The citizen's of the Empire, or those who seek to abuse our riches?" From behind the stage a large sheet of flimsy metal, made just for the occasion, warbled and sounded like thunder in the distance. 3. Act 1 Part 2 The green, slightly larger, Nekoyami bellowed at the top of his lungs. He ended up sounding like a mouse trying to roar. "I am RUKE-BRAH! I am a fierce orc! And someone named Imp Ress has sent me and will pay for all my sake!" The lizard cat nodded, as if this all sounded like it was a fact, and a settled matter. At this declaration, the other three Nekoyami, already seated, looked at him with confusion. And so did the servant cats....the band cats....even the Narrative cat. Those more observant would even see the special fx cats from behind the theater, peek out from the side and look at the orc kitty in confusion. And as if rehearsed (which it was), all those that looked confused, shrugged and continued on as if what he said was perfectly natural and accepted. The orc kitty spoke again, his voice 'booming', "All drinks free, all on Imp Ress!" The other four Nekoyami at the table cheered. The serving cats shrugged and started bringing out bottles of sake. The blue Nekoyami started pulling wine skin after wine skin from under the table and piled them on top. He didn't stop until half the table was covered in wine skins. At the end, he wiped sweat off his brow, leaving a non-blue streak across his forehead. He pointed at one of the serving cats and then to the wine skins, the servant Nekoyami sighed deeply and started dragging one after the other to the tap. All five Nekoyami raised sake bottles and shouted 'Oppai!' and drank deep of their bottles. Again, the noodle cat's OTHER breast had fallen lopsided. She once again blushed and corrected her boob gourds. The blue and vampire Nekoyami, and this time the orc and lizard cat joined in, stared at her now fixed breasts, and all four licked their lips in unison. 4. Act 2 Part 1 The Narrator kitty cleared her throat and spoke, "All was merry in the Floating Lotus Sake House. Even the two sinister beings, un...unbe...unbeknown to the rest of the Sake House, both the Orc and the Lizard man had nef...ne....nefarious plans." It was clear that the poor Nekoyami hadn't written the screenplay, nor did she rehearse it. "They were in fact, using the esteemed Empresses name in vain. Horribly miss speaking it, and causing the Realms coffers to go barren! But what they didn't know is that this wasn't any ordinary sake house. They would soon learn their folly..." Again the thin sheet of metal warbled thunder from behind the Theater. The five Nekoyami continued to drink sake. That is, until the orc started floating, and the lizard man froze in place, then started pawing at invisible intruders. "HELP ME! HELP ME! I'm a crybaby flying orc! HELP ME!", cried the green cat, who had lost his stilts as a rope hoisted him up into the air a meter above the floor. The other end of the rope had three special fx cats holding on for dear life. One held a parchment in its paws, reading it and directing the other two, while still helping with one paw. The lizard kitty swiped left, then swiped right, getting into the invisible fight, and playing up to the crowd, taking center stage. He managed a cartwheel, and then tuck and rolling, then finally the worm, across the ground, before standing up and play fighting with his invisible opponent again. The Narrator Nekoyami cleared his throat, and the lizard kitty blushed, then fought his invisible opponent off to the side in a more subdued manner. The other three Nekoyami laughed at the two who had gotten the 'special' sake. Illustrated by the noodle cat holding up a sign with the kanji for 'special sake' and an arrow pointing at the two. The Orc kitty swung toward the vampire cat and grabbed onto her, lifting her up in the air with them. Parsed amongst the crowd watching the play, various planted Nekoyami gasped in worry and surprise, prompting the audience to do so too. The noodle cat picked up a seat cushion and was chasing the swinging pair under them, hoping to catch them as they fell. The blue oni cat looked like he was going to do something, but shrugged, and continued drinking quite noisily. All the while, the orc cat wailed and cried, and buried his face in vampire kitty's 'cleavage'. 5. Act 2 Part 2 An eighth Nekoyami approached through the audience (including the two servant cats on stage). He seemed jovial in step, but he too wore an oni mask, but this one was black, and he had TWO paper-mache wings on his back. He walked in and immediately pointed and laughed, "Stupid green orc, you drink what you do not know! Stupid Lizard man, you fight nothing." Both ignored him. The new cat suddenly declared, "But I have a cure!" That caught everyone's attention on the stage. Everyone but the orc and lizard kitty. One was preoccupied with groping/crying into the vampire cat, the other saw nothing but invisible foes. The Lizardman cat suddenly turned to the noodle kitty, who was still trying to remain under the swinging pair with a pillow, "Howwww daaare you doooo thissssssss to usssssssssssssss!" He accused her with a thick snake like lisp. The Noodle kitty looked so frightened, both her boob gourds dropped an inch out of their harness as she shirked away behind the black oni kitty. In not so typical oni fashion, the black oni kitty, who had declared his cure (which was now all but forgotten), reached behind the bar and put on a shiny knight's helmet on his head. "I shall defend your oppai boobs, fair noodle," the black oni declared as he and the lizard cat went to the ground rolling around over one another in a tussle. The green orc Nekoyami, holding and groping the vampire Nekoyami, was suddenly cinched up to the ceiling by the rope. They let out a very cat like yowl in surprise. It was obviously unscripted. The Narrative kitty just shook her head at the actor. The noodle kitty ran to the side of the stage and picked up a bamboo pool, "Here grab onto this! I will save you!" She said it with such a crystalline voice. The blue oni cat, who was now laying amongst filled wine skins, had fallen asleep. He abruptly awoke and shouted, "Oppai!" and drank another shot of sake. This time, both boob gourds fell out of the noodle Nekoyami's kimono, rolling a short ways toward the back of the stage. 6. Act 3 part 1 The Narrator Nekoyami cleared her throat, and spoke again, "The Highest and most Majestic Empress knows all that transpires in her realm. Her very touch brings joy and fortune to those that serve her. Because of her most benevolent wisdom, the mighty celestial dragon descended from her palace on high, to take care of these two nefarious visitors." At this announcement, yet another Nekoyami came forward from the back of the audience. She was on stilts taller than even the green orcs, causing her to be as tall as any short human, yet still never as tall as the Empress herself. The Nekoyami wouldn't dare. She was dressed in fine silk robes, and there was a second cat beside her, in a black body suit, throwing sakura petals around her, mimicking the celestial aura of the Empress. She spoke in a soft but musical voice, "I am the most beloved Empress. And I declare all Gaijin (foreigners) are bad, and that you use my most worshiped of names in vain to get free booze." The two on the stage floor continued their scuffle, ignoring the mighty Empress. The flying orc and vampire kitties were trying to grab the bamboo pool the noodle cat was trying to save them with. The Empress stamped her foot and moved forward to the stairs of the stage. Stairs that looked lethal to her with the stilts she wore. She stopped at the foot fo the stairs, and repeated herself, this time her voice wasn't as musical as it was before. Her voice brought all the Nekoyami on stage to her attention. The vampire kitty wiggled one last time in the orc cat's grasp and fell! Luckily, she was Nekoyami, and landed on her feet, but she still glared up at the green kitty. The two fighting on the ground, picked themselves apart and bowed to her. Even the servant cats bowed in turn. That was more like it. The Empress cat was pleased. 7. Act 3 Part 2 "Imp Ress!" Both the green orc and lizard Nekoyami exclaimed at the same time, fear showing on their faces. The Orc saying it through weeping tears, and the lizard with an angry growl. All Nekoyami on stage, in the band, in the special fx crew, and the Narrator looked at one another said "Ahhhhh" simultaneously. Imp Ress was the name of the Empress, which no Nekoyami truly knew. But now they did, and she would forever be named so amongst their kind in praise and humility. The Empress kitty held her self imperiously before the stage, a fan in her hand and pointing at the two criminals, as the others knelt and bowed before her majesty. "For your crimes, you shall be banished from my land, and forever float..and forever fight invisible enemies. Now begone, before you bring dishonor to me and my people again!" As if on cue, the green orc gulped and started swinging wildly around and around high above the stage at the direction of the special fx cats holding his rope. He spun faster and faster and faster and at a certain point they just let go of the rope. His momentum saw him flung out of the stage, over the Empress Nekoyami and audiences' heads and well over the sushi shop directly behind them. A loud splash occurred, and a few silent moments later, a wet green oni masked Nekoyami appeared with a hand raised over his head to show he was alright. During the spectacle, the lizard kitty fought his invisible foes till he was off stage. The planted Nekoyami around the audience cheered loudly, prompting the audience to do so as well. 8. Conclusion/Epilogue All Nekoyami, joined by the green orc and the lizardman kitties, took a bow before the audience. The band did one last fanfare and the Narrator Nekoyami spoke. "And thus concludes the Tale of the Floating Orc Lotus Blossom. Let the lesson be learned, and the morales of the story be discovered. For in them is the honor of our esteemed most fluffiest of Empress. May she live forever. The End." The Nekoyami, bowed once again, this time joined by the Noodle kitty that finally had recovered her boob gourds. All the Nekoyami shouted one last time, "Oppai!!" Comments are closed.
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