In our third of a series of celebrity interviews, Snetch Junior, travels to the Jade Lotus Empire to interview their new Empress who obtained her position when she murdered the last Empress. In order to ensure journalistic integrity, we immortalized the exchange in the form of descriptive writing. I took an assistant with me to the interview, though we both barely made it out alive. As you will see in this interview, Koharu, Empress of the Jade Lotus Empire, is not just a murderer but also a MONEY GRUBBING DIRT BAG! She has no feelings for anyone other than herself. Despicable! . . . Snetch Junior brushed at the fine tunic, still stained in his father's blood from the interview with the Hound, and looked across the way at Koharu. She sure was sparkly. Beside him stood his assistant, formerly his father's assistant. "So gracious of you to permit my presence, Empress... your predecessor was not so kind. Are you aware that she banned ALL greenskins from the Jade Lotus Empire? Which is silly, because Jade is green, and we're green, so you'd think she'd welcome us with open... er, claws? What do noodle dragons have anyway?" he peered at her hands and squinted as if expecting her to sprout claws and attack him.
Koharu looks over with a bit of a confused glance at the goblin. But before she says anything in return she hears his words out fully. At his question she would show her hands. They did not have claws but they certainly had long, sharp nails. She then speaks "Most dragons have claws, but most dragons also have multiple forms. This is simply my human form, so no claws. As for the green skins? I figure each person should warrant their own banning. So, How can i help you dear?" Snetch Junior was not used to being treated kindly so he was immediately suspicious of the Empress and her soft manner and kind words. He hesitated and then came out with some hard hitting journalism, "no one has seen Tsuiteru since you took over," that wasn't entirely true, but SNETCH hadn't seen her so that was close enough. "IS IT TRUE... that you MURDERED HER... in ritual combat, thus cementing your place as Empress of the Jade Lotus Empire?!" He leaned forward in his chair and didn't give her a chance to respond before shouting again, spittle flying in her direction, "TELL THE TRUTH! I CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH!" Koharu stares at the goblin before her that came off with such a dramatic question.. her stare was blank, but only lasted until she busted into laughter! she shakes her head softly and collects herself before saying "Oh my, No no. I love my grandmother. She has been seen many times! In fact it was she herself that placed the crown upon my head in a large gathering. She even prepared a feast for all the attendants. Either way, she is quite well, and living a peaceful life on vacation. So many years dealing with so many people every day and all. She earned her peace." Snetch Junior was standing on the little table between them at this point, his large (and bare) feet knocking aside the tiny teacups. "VACATION?! is THAT what the kids are calling it these days? You just ADMITTED to being a shapeshifter. All you dragons are! How do we know, how do we REALLY KNOW, that it was the former Empress placing the crown on your head?! I bet she 'earned her peace'... her ETERNAL PEACE!" He jabbed a finger in her direction, "TELL THE TRUTH!" Koharu laughed a little more, seeming unphased by his out burst. Instead she simply shakes her head and says "Because all of the empire was there to witness it. And has seen her multiple times since. Now, i said that dragons can change form, but that does not mean we can take just any form. You see most of us are restricted to just two. A single human form, and a single dragon form. But..." she leans forward a little and narrows her eyes, speaking a little softer "How do i know you are really you.. Do you know if you are really you?" Snetch's assistant gasped as Koharu's insinuation and she looked to Sentch Junior suspiciously. Snetch Junior, to his credit, managed to only freeze while he thought. And thought. Slowly he stepped off the low table and resumed his seat. "What if... what if I'm not really a Snetch?" he asked, almost of himself and not really of Koharu. "What if... I never find out who is a good boy?" He begins to sob, "what if I stop believing and then I... I just fade away!?" He crawled across the table and tried to grab Koharu's garments, clinging to her if possible and sobbing filthy goblin tears on her pretty silk outfit, "don't forget me, Empress, don't let me fade away into oblivion!" Clearly she'd hit a nerve. Koharu sits in shock for a moment, her arms half up, and out to her sides as she blinks a few times. She frowns softly, then wraps her arms around him and says "Relax, don't worry my dear, i am sure you are fine. Besides, i am sure lots of people remember you! You seem memorable enough to me, yeah?" but she then looked to the other goblin and mouths without words "What is his name?" The assistant mouths back to Koharu, "Snetch." But with how goblins mouths are shaped that could be Snitch, Snatch, Wretch... you get the idea. Meanwhile, in Koharu's arms, Snetch soaks up the affection like someone starved of attention. After a moment he wipes his runny nose with the back of his arm, making a loud SNORK sound in the process. "How come you're so nice, Empress?" so much for hard hitting journalism. Koharu searches her robes for a moment before pulling a piece of cloth out and gently wiping the goblins face with it, then offering it to him "Here, you can keep this my dear. I am so nice because it is just who I am. My citizens are my family. My walls are my pride. All the gold and gems in the world have no value if there is not a soul to share them with." But at this point, even the goblin should be able to tell that Koharu was not treating him differently than anyone else. Not like some filthy goblin. But as a person. Either way, she adds "The Kami, which you call Gods, have blessed me to rule this land. I was chosen because of where my heart lay. For they knew i should love these people, and this land, as if it came from my own body" Snetch sniffled again and blew his nose loudly in the offered bit of cloth before making it disappear into his tunic. At one of Koharu's comments, Snetch scoffed and pulled away, "you can't honestly expect me to believe that gold and gems lose their value if there's no one to share them with. I NEVER share my treasure and it's still the most valuable--" he stopped abruptly and narrowed his eyes, "waaait... I get it now. This is... a TRAP!" He back flipped away from her, staggering a bit on the landing, "assistant! RUN! She's after our WEALTH!" As he bolted for the door he shrieked over his shoulder, "GO FUCK YOURSELF, GOLD-DIGGER! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!!" Koharu rolls her eyes with a laughter, the just.. resumes looking at her ledger, as they leave she only says one thing, and not even loudly. She was not bothered to defend herself from the accusation.. "I have gold and silver mines my dear. i do not want yours also. B safe, Go with the Kami" Comments are closed.
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